Monday, May 26, 2014

Life Is


On this memorial day, I am thinking of my brother who died in December. He wasn't a veteran, but he fought a personal battle for a long time and chose to end his life. Our family did a “group hug” for him today, synchronizing a time to remember him and the good times we had together. As the texts from my family came through, full of words of love and warmth toward Luke and the rest of the family, I couldn’t help but mourn his choice, and the choice of about 1 million people nationwide every year. In addition to thinking of the people gone today, I am also thinking about life and how grateful I am for that gift.

Life is really hard. I understand that far better than I'd like to. I also know that when we work to remove opacity, pain and deception, we can see what else life is.

Life is an adventure. There is something so precious about a yoga practice, especially Bikram Yoga for me, where I sweat out all of my insides (or so it feels) and pushed through physical pain and challenged myself to a great degree and then they give me that cold, wet towel and I get to lye in Shavasana and revel in a world so great that it has feelings like this. And even the practice itself, even the challenge and pain and the struggle, is worthwhile and valuable. 

Life is majestic. There is an innate spiritually about a day in the mountains, whether that is skiing or hiking or something else. Skiing in particular holds a warm and fuzzy place in my heart and as I traverse the surface, weaving through trees and soaring downhill, I know there is hope in any difficult situation, I know there is always a reason worth living. When I ride the lift to the summit of Solitude and I see the enormous Wasatch mountains, in all of their splendor and glory, I know that a world as both magnificent and piercingly tranquil as this one is worth staying in. It is worth fighting for. It is worth using each and every day for good and finding joy and sweetness in it.

Life is a good. Last week, I watched a scruffy brown duck eat a huge ant, the kind where you can see two parts connected instead of one long body. To watch that little rascal with its round head and long beak stake out the ant, make its lunge, then turn back around satisfied about the little mouthful, I know that life is good. It’s interesting, it’s crazy, it’s weird, it’s scary, it’s terrible, it’s wonderful and bottom line, it’s a gift and it’s worth living. 

My heart and hugs and tissues go out to each of you that miss someone today, especially those of you who miss someone who chose to go. I do not judge or condemn those who commit suicide and never will, though I deeply mourn the choice and the loss. As the quote goes, suicide doesn't end the problems, it ends the chance for things to improve.

We love you and miss you, Luke, and I absolutely believe it would have gotten better for you.