Life Is

On this memorial day, I am thinking of my brother who died in December. He wasn't a veteran, but he fought a personal battle for a long time and chose to end his life. Our family did a “group hug” for him today, synchronizing a time to remember him and the good times we had together. As the texts from my family came through, full of words of love and warmth toward Luke and the rest of the family, I couldn’t help but mourn his choice, and the choice of about 1 million people nationwide every year. In addition to thinking of the people gone today, I am also thinking about life and how grateful I am for that gift.

Life is really hard. I understand that far better than I'd like to. I also know that when we work to remove opacity, pain and deception, we can see what else life is.

Life is an adventure. There is something so precious about a yoga practice, especially Bikram Yoga for me, where I sweat out all of my insides (or so it feels) and pushed through physical pain and challenged myself to a great degree and then they give me that cold, wet towel and I get to lye in Shavasana and revel in a world so great that it has feelings like this. And even the practice itself, even the challenge and pain and the struggle, is worthwhile and valuable. 

Life is majestic. There is an innate spiritually about a day in the mountains, whether that is skiing or hiking or something else. Skiing in particular holds a warm and fuzzy place in my heart and as I traverse the surface, weaving through trees and soaring downhill, I know there is hope in any difficult situation, I know there is always a reason worth living. When I ride the lift to the summit of Solitude and I see the enormous Wasatch mountains, in all of their splendor and glory, I know that a world as both magnificent and piercingly tranquil as this one is worth staying in. It is worth fighting for. It is worth using each and every day for good and finding joy and sweetness in it.

Life is a good. Last week, I watched a scruffy brown duck eat a huge ant, the kind where you can see two parts connected instead of one long body. To watch that little rascal with its round head and long beak stake out the ant, make its lunge, then turn back around satisfied about the little mouthful, I know that life is good. It’s interesting, it’s crazy, it’s weird, it’s scary, it’s terrible, it’s wonderful and bottom line, it’s a gift and it’s worth living. 

My heart and hugs and tissues go out to each of you that miss someone today, especially those of you who miss someone who chose to go. I do not judge or condemn those who commit suicide and never will, though I deeply mourn the choice and the loss. As the quote goes, suicide doesn't end the problems, it ends the chance for things to improve.

We love you and miss you, Luke, and I absolutely believe it would have gotten better for you.

Redheads Rock

Lately I've been noticing that many of the protagonists in the novels I read are--without any premeditation on my part--redheads. Today I checked out Bride Most Begrudging from the library because it was on my mom's book club list, and, you guessed it, the protagonist's a redhead!

I started to tell you this for no particular reason whatsoever, but then I decided that it must be the law of attraction because I've been obsessed with redheads for awhile--well since Ariel captured my heart in kindergarten--but the admiration has grown significantly as of late. So much so, that my husband and I have already called dibs on having at least one redhead when the time comes (and just for the record, the time has not come).

That's all.

Behold my dad, the reason I have a fighting chance at birthing a redhead. 

If this were Facebook, I'd say, "Loving redheads with This is What Happiness Looks Like, The Selection Series and Bride Most Begrudging."

Okay, that's not quite all. I must add that I am salivating May 6th, the release date of The One (3rd book of the Selection series). I've been more excited for May 6th than I was for Christmas and I just wanted to tell someone!

BTW, Redheads rock.

Angels Around Us

Last month, I had the privilege of visiting the Sacred Gifts art exhibit at BYU's Museum of Art with my parents and Paul. This piece, by Frans Schwartz, entitled Agony in the Garden, moved me to tears.

My family and I have been going through trials beyond what I could have ever previously comprehended and as I studied this piece, I learned and felt several lessons:

1) Because of His Atonement, including suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane for all of our sins and pains, Christ knows exactly what we are going through, exactly how we feel, exactly how devastating some of our trials have been or will be. Regardless, He still knew it would be worth coming to this earth and experiencing both the good and the bad. Christ sees the beginning and the end and knows it will be worth it.

2) There is comfort beyond our view when we need it. We are not alone. Perhaps these angels might even be our family members that have passed on. 

3) Christ suffered an unimaginable, incomprehensible amount for us, because He loves us. He didn't have to perform the Atonement, but He wanted to, so that we can return to His presence after this life. Because of this amazing gift he has given us, we should value and appreciate life so much, every day of it, for life is a gift from the all-mighty and all-wonderful Jesus Christ and not appreciating it makes His gift in vain.

You can see the piece enlarged here. 

Also, please send prayers and good energy our way. We are praying for miracles and the manifestation of truth. We know God is on our side and Christ is our advocate and we have faith in receiving divine help. Your collective faith and prayers are so valuable and appreciated.